Alternative Fact: Felix Hernandez was on the 2000 New York Yankees and won that World Series Ring by pitching 400 straight innings of shutout baseball while starting and winning all seven World Series games. He and Luis Sojo then drank 42 bottles of Scotch each and fucked Bobby Valentine’s wife.

+2 Wins

D’Antoni is the best there is. His ability to create dynamic offensive teams that play lights out defense not only brought the Suns and Steve Nash 3 championships in the early 2000s but also Made The Knicks Great Again after years of mediocrity.

“We’re more than just optics here,” Goodell said. “We’re into facts. So, go to the same statistics, because you’re right about the quality of the games on Thursday night. There are actually less penalties, less turnovers—almost by every barometer, the quality of the game is better on Thursday night.”

Alternative Fact: Felix Hernandez was on the 2000 Yankees.

Boy, would you look at the body on Brent Musberger. All you young men out there better practice your vocal warmups and if you’re lucky enough to become a sports broadcaster you might have the chance to sit next to a flabby, jowly, misogynistic asshole like Brent Musburger for 30 years.

No despot has ever had a better friend than a journalist who writes this shit.

“I meant it as a compliment,” Xhaka told the officer at the station. “See, look at this.” He then pulled a torn, well-worn photo from his pants pocket and handed it to the officer.

My comment would have received more stars if illegal Kinjas hadn’t padded your star count.

Tom Brady is GOAT - whether he’s playing quarterback, dodging questions, or putting on a farm animal costume before Bill Belichick “gives him notes” in the dark film room during practice.

“But mamma,” she said, wiping the chicken’s blood from her calloused hands with a soiled cloth that she cut from an old, moth-eaten bedgown. “Hezekial’s poppa will never offer a dowry for me if the Good Lord does not see fit to bless me with healthy birthing hips.”

A little later, the legislators stumbled out, wondering what was weirder: Pence’s inability to make conversation, or calling his wife “Mother” in the second decade of the 21st century.

WADA: Did Russian athletes dope before the Olympics?

Did Hawks GM Jeff Sessions really refer to his children as “three mixed kids?” What. The. Fuck.

Bucky Gleason? As someone who knows nothing about the Bills organization, it sure as shit sounds like you all are making these names up.

Dallas is going to draft Giants Fan in the first round after finding out Cowboys fan was his girlfriend.

Brands will pay to put things like Tom Brady saying “the sleepwear I wear is so critical to how I recover every night” in front of potential customers.

+1 going blind

+1 geography?

It’s like every Lacrosse dad just jacks off to the newest issue of the J. Crew catalog and names their kid after whichever style of sweater he smeared on.