I am eagerly awaiting the inevitable video of this kid beating the shit out of Katt Williams.

The Cincinnati Reds have been complete dogshit this season,

“To have a starter like (James) Shields perform as poorly as he did yesterday is an embarrassment to the team, an embarrassment to him,” Fowler said.

*Immediately scours the Washington Post page for that pesky “sponsored content” disclaimer they’ve been sneaking in lately*

If only Washington would play Tampa Bay this year, so Kirk could get a Scott Stapp infection.

Antonin Scalia’s bloated corpse appreciates your defense of the originalist interpretation of this joke.

This isn’t the first time Phil has been involved in insider trading. As a sophomore at ASU, he told all of his golf buddies to invest heavily in Arby’s stock. He then went to the nearest Arby’s location and devoured enough 36,000 roast beef sandwiches with curly fries, thus boosting Arby’s stock prices to a record…

Foye’s thought bubble: Nothing but...the net result of a life wasted, potential squandered, dreams destroyed.

If you play the replay backwards and watch the back half of Scherzer’s front heal on his left foot, you can see his right hand twitch while’s he’s set on the mound. At the same time, you can see the ump glance over at Dick Cheney - he’s the guy in the front row with noticeable stroke face.

Those aren’t olympians; they’re extras from a Saved By The Bell summer beach special.

Any truth to the rumors that Skip is also headed to the west coast so his face can play a recently rejuvenated vagina on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills?

I’m not saying I would go out of my way to run that car containing Bayless and Cowherd off the road. But I wouldn’t not be happy if that didn’t not happen.

Why do all quarterback jerseys from the 1980s look like the crusty, cum-covered t-shirts stashed underneath 16-year old me’s a teenager’s bed?

I see he’s going with “the Kasich”.

I’d ask him to sit on my face but I know all the Old Spice greasing his inner thighs would just send him sliding onto the floor.

So he’ll be back a few days before the Conference Finals start?

Thank god someone finally had the balls to call out the only people who never have kids best interests at heart: Moms.

When did left field become the position reserved for guys too fat to play first base? I only wish it was sooner because nothing would have given me more joy than watching Mo Vaughn trip over his stomach into the Green Monster over and over again.

I prefer the old Baxter, who would’ve been too high to catch the bat. Back then we didn’t have to worry about all the stupid, schticky gimmicks, because when he’d visit the stands, he’d just sit down and order fries.