As if his hands could wrap all the way around a baby’s neck.

There is not enough Xanax in the world to survive a Trump presidency. I’m going to start cooking meth in the basement if he wins.

And that would be bad, why? Were you alive during the 90s? Do you know how good the economy was?

In happier news, a woman who was born prior to women being allowed to vote just cast her ballot for Hillary Clinton. It’s pretty incredible to think all that this woman has seen in her lifetime and that she is alive today to not only vote but for the first female presidential candidate.

No kidding. Did you ever have just a shit day then whack your head or something and think “GOOD! I don’t even care! Let more shit happen!” I feel like 2016 is my bad day. I’m just not sure if this FBI nonsense is the head whack. More likely it’ll be Trump getting elected.

I’m guessing it has something to do with a new drink coming out called the ‘Orange Russian.’

I think on some level, many people don’t believe Hillary Clinton would be running the country. They think Bill Clinton would be running the country and Hillary would be his mouthpiece, because Hillary doesn’t have a penis, and whoever heard of someone without a penis running things?

Meteor 2016, I think we’re ready for you.

There were 10 whole words in that tweet! You could hardly expect him to read ALL of them.

Beautiful execution, stuck the landing. 10/10

SEE

The only thing at this point that would cause Trump to implode (rather than a messy world-holds-its-breath loss) is a video in which he calls his supporters “a bunch of fucking idiots who believe whatever I want them to.”

You know how utterly tiring this ghastly election has been? And you know that assuming Clinton wins (& by damn she better win or we’re all screwed), the press and the repubs will be like honey badgers trying to tear her apart for the entirety of her presidency. And I really don’t get it. The repubs are so far out of…

...the shrieking carbuncle in a red power tie that is—yes—still running for president ...

*Payrolls - plural.

People are saying (and I’m not being facetious here) that there are tapes of him using racial slurs. It’s definitely conceivable; he’s been on tape for thousands upon thousands of hours, and he doesn’t have a filter.

Chipotle burrito taken to its natural, digested conclusion. I laughed out loud and scared the dog and the husband. This may be the best one yet.

Oh god I hope so. Though it’s unbelievably depressing that pussygate and all the sexual assault allegations don’t seem to have had a lasting impact on his numbers :-:

The Tiffany-Ivanka scale is probably how he rates other women, too.