If it weren’t vegetarian, they wouldn’t call it “tossing salad”.

I’m certainly not secretly Julian Edelman, posting online under a different identity, where I disparage myself to further the narrative that I’m an underdog, who never gets support...If that’s what you’re suggesting it’s insane and certainly sounds like a thing that asshole Julian Edelman (again, not me) would do.

So, Massachusetts and Connecticut.

“Was I ready to be a head coach? I don’t know.”

No, Freddie, it’s Was we ready to be a head coach? Us don’t know.

“less than three figures” means two figures... are there watches for less than $100 ? 

“less than three figures” means two figures... are there watches for less than $100 ? 

Zing and a miss

Shut the fuck up.

Buried the lede & missed the point by a mile. This is NOT about Bezos’s excruciatingly-sweet love texts— this is about Donald Trump using his National Enquirer to publicly embarrass his financial nemesis.

I’m mad I had to scroll down this far to see this joke.

What your mom needs is a whole mess of artificial flavors, red dye #40, synthetic preservatives, salt and MSG.

Stop being a jabroni you jabroni.

I bet you also enjoy the smell of your buttery farts. 

So buy some cheap butter and get to.

[10 second sigh]

No it does not matter one iota.  She didn’t try to sell the story or make it the focus of her campaign that was 100% Fox News trying to feed you the garbage you are repeating here today.  

It is old news already. Move on.

Is that the season where Tami shows Smash “the ropes”?

Yeah, that was the same episode where Lyla Garrity and Tim Riggins had sex while Jason Street watched from the closet. They pretended not to notice but they could totally see his wheelchair.

Ladies and gentlemen, may I present the new University of Maryland football coach.