What’s the thread count? I get itchy

He’s going to Be Best™ by sending out a dick pic to all of America using the FEMA emergency system.

I used to be a medical photographer and have taken pictures of autopsies. This is worse.

FWIW I was around in the 90's when we were treated to the wonderful visual of President Clinton banging a staffer with a cigar that he presumably lit up after the fact. So, there’s that...

I knew some day I would have to face this information, and the day has arrived.  I will be burning all my electronics and moving to small cabin in Montana to craft handmade sacks for everyone to wear over their head.  Read my manifesto. 

As soon as I heard about this presidential alert system, my first thought was “can I block the number.”

Oh God...  There was never any chance since he was elected that we weren’t going to end up seeing a picture of his actual penis, was there?  Nope, no peeps, t’was fate undeniable as death and gravity, ‘pon the selection of candidate most crude and foul, t’would be our fate to see his mushroom pal.  :(  FUCK!

He’s gonna show it now, isn’t he? :-(

If your penis looks like that last mushroom...you really, really need to go to the doctor.

Absolutely. We could potentially get a fake presidential dick pic at a press briefing, and fact checkers will do the unimaginable work of finding which male porn star’s penis they’re trying to pass off as his own, all while Hannity spends hours breaking down male genitalia.

OMFG. Ten bucks says he’s now going to use that effing Presidential Alert thing to send us all dick picks to show us how big and presidential it is. 

“I lay there, annoyed that I was getting fucked by a guy with Yeti pubes and a dick like the mushroom character in Mario Kart...

This is going to get to him bigly.  She could have written that his presidency is the worst thing to happen to America since 9/11.  She could have written that his wife is hideous looking and braindead.  She could have written that he is a grade-A asshole and dumber than a nutless squirrel.  She could have called his…

Well they do say walking is good for inducing labor. ;)

I just suggested it was in the pile of the rest of her stuff she left there.

I know that, you know that, but Mr. and Mrs. Pearlclutcher don’t know a quarter oz bag of weed from a ton of weed. 

Won’t be long before the narrative is that he was a drug dealer and that she heroically interrupted a drug deal.