It’s probably ok if you’re a penis-owner, in which case he’ll just squint and mumble creepy stories about creepy shit he’s done, so...no, wait...I guess it’s not.

*sigh* I look at them and I just want to give them a warm meal and a bath. And then call the police.

The whole Republican Party has gone anti-semantic. I mean, Trump is two years into an all-out assault on meaning itself.

I know! It’s because many other more “clever” people find excuses, play the system by lying, or just don’t show up. Then they claim it’s all going to hell. Fuck them. I’m doing my duty and try to prevent this kind of wrong

Hot take: I like it. Because it is Purple!

Vote. Fucking vote. You have to fucking vote.

“I, Tania” would be a great title.

Techmo Super Bowl had the best injury music:

She tried, unsuccessfully, to hide the salami.

This baloney-smuggling story did not go in the direction that teenage me thought it would.

...asked why Netflix wasn’t taking the allegations from Masterson’s accusers seriously... he responded, “we don’t believe them.”

Everything else aside, why on earth would that executive say anything besides “Legal says I’m not allowed to comment on that”?

Golf Cart isn’t a bad option. Look what it did in Dallas:

Goddamit am I the only person old enough to remember OZ again?

If the statement says “I have recommended the president resign and shove a 7/16" drill bit in his pee hole, in any order.”, I would forgive even if he uses Papyrus font.

Fuck this woman. Fuck fuck fuck this woman.

Can’t be shocked by any of this. It’s “Rocky Top”, not “Smooth, Well-Executed Top”.

“Gilooly” is just so god damn pleasing as a word.

I guess Judge Roy Moore isn’t on the list because running an ice cream truck doesn’t net you much money.

What’s the best nation in the world? Urination!