Eh, you’ll both die anyway.

I guess there are blind spots on these little Carrs.

That’s going to be a cool scar to show the sales pool once he graduates with that business degree. And then the used Hyundai lot. And then the Best Buy break room. And then his high school reunion. And then a new sales pool. And then the used Hyundai lot...

That’s like saying “funniest comedians from Germany”. Trust me, I’m an Upper Midwesterner too. When sausage and potatoes every fucking night is your idea of living, you will join the ranks of the adipose.

No one should be happy about this injury. The last thing Peterson needs is a good excuse to walk around with a cane.

It was too risky. The straight path to the locker room cuts directly through a day care.

people have forgotten that this motherfucker beats small children. Fuck him. I hope his career is over.

I don’t root for anyone to be injured, but if it’s going to happen, I’m OK with it being this child-beating asshole.

I guess Peterson just wanted to switch things up.

WHAT ABOUT THE PEE-MAILS?!

Judgment At Urineberg:

+1 vampire billionaire-funded bankruptcy-inducing libel lawsuit

Chief Prosecutor at the “Judgement of Urineberg”:

The NFL seems like the kind of place that would have a bunch of non-practicing lawyers in its front offices who’d enjoy bickering over the language for this stuff, but they’re not getting the job done. I never thought I’d say this, but it might be time for them to call in a philosopher.

Yep. Do we really think a league that can’t even figure what a catch is anymore is going to be able to come up with something like a comprehensive set of rules to reduce the number of head shots its players take?

“Hey, Cam Newton’s brain got pounded into cottage cheese on national TV the other night. Maybe we should do something about that. Ooh oh, I know! PUNISH THE OFFICIALS! I love it when they lose paychecks, that’s my favorite!”

Good news! I hear you can get a whole mess of money if that gets shared on Gawke-

“Did he catch a football? No idea. What I know is that if that motherfucker wears 9/11 cleats we’re fining him to the fucking moon. PROTECT THE SHIELD.”

“He made a move,” then you have a completion. He starts to make a move, but then it’s out

That’s the NFL for you: no one knows what a catch is any more, but the league was willing to go the fucking Supreme Court to make sure Fautleroy Goodell could wave his banhammer around at any player for any reason whatsoever. I can easily envision him in his NFL underoos at home screaming “YOU MUST RESPECT MAH…