And I still go to the grocery store to get my shit, mostly because I don’t want someone picking my steak for me. I want full steak control. I also reserve the right to make an impulse pork rinds purchase if I so desire.

“I prepared this” vs. “You cooked it” is the best/worst marriage argument I’ve heard in a while.

I know it’s been said already but trump is such a staggering idiot. I mean  just unbelievably incredibly, astoundingly dumb.

...except for family???

Under Ohio law, strippers are not allowed to touch patrons—unless it’s a family member.

On this episode of Punk’d: I found a bunch of my ex’s credit cards and gave them to my buddy Matt. I guess you should have gotten me that dirt bike Demi. 

I’ve done the Duchess slant and that ain’t it.

“Prince Hot Ginge’s royal fleshscepter”

I love when sexual predators say “well I don’t know how to act around women now!”. You never did friend! That was the problem!

Heartbreaking that there was still death involved. Saman Gunan should never be forgotten.

I work in an office that is full of gossips. I didn’t know that one of my colleagues was a horrible, terrible, psychotic, human being that was bullying a couple of other colleagues until their ire turned on me and I blew that shit up. It then came out what was going on and I was one of the last to know, and it had…

STOP

I got into a light argument, last week, with my friend’s husband, a former St. Louis resident, about the hypocrisy of Cardinals fans and the actual worth of the city itself. I argued that the city of St. Louis is, in fact, not good. The only redeeming factors it seems to have is that the drinks are extremely cheap and…

All I care about is that Bobby’s still here.  Amen.

This bear is the hero I need today. 

My grandma had a chinese family down the street that used to park in her handicap spot out front of her house a few times a week. She never would call the police or get the car towed because she didn’t want to cause problems with the neighbors. So my brother and I would go over there in the morning and box their car…

I salute you, Rand Paul’s Neighbor

“During his remarks, Severino also relayed a story about a Catholic nurse who was required to perform an abortion, which violated her religious beliefs.”

Has it changed? Or is it exactly the same?