There actually is a serious rumor that Melania has carried on an affair with anbuilding manager at Trump Tower.

Pre-packaged Trump administration characters, still in their display boxes? Are those the limited edition action figures? Why, it's Spicer and Reince Priebus, and my favorite Mooch! They're all here!

I was really hoping for a crossover with SVU in which Benson strongly suspects that Kevin murdered his wife.

Why did Jackson Pollack drip all that paint in those canvases? Because he's so dang stupid!

Yes, but then you can't raise new rounds of funding. Those investors are going to give you $200 million just to keep things going. Innovation for the sake of money.

Because he has always been the boss' son, the rich kid who has never made or done anything on his own, he needs to make people compete for his favor. I think he really gets off on playing Bannon and Kushner against each other, switching up his loyalties on a daily basis. It makes him feel, as you say, like the alpha.

What is his next segment? "Did you know that in Saving Private Ryan, the now-aged Private Ryan is reflecting on whether or not he has lived up to the promise he made to Tom Hanks' character?"

Yes, but another part of libertarian thinking is individualistic to the point of apathy or even nihilism. Yeah, maybe they support legalizing gay marriage, but they just want it to be legal and for people to shut up about it. They want to support it on their terms—as bros who won't look to bad in front of their…

A Bridge Too Far, Twelve O'Clock High.

*Hitler's friend decides to give him a "makeover" that just involves shaving the edges of his mustache down, Hitler instantly becomes more popular.*

Yes. His name was Stampy and Rick loved him.

Oi! What's all this then with the chutes, guv'?

Tsar you sure about that?

*Whips paperweight at Harvard egghead's forehead.*

I'm not going to let him off the hook either. The graphic tees, the button-down shirts one size too big, the boot-cut jeans and square-toed shoes…hideous.

God, I can still hear all those jingles in my head.

Burying the lede about dropping the "team's investigation" in order to follow through on the initial slant that there was some blatant misconduct…and with that the transformation of the Newswire into circa-2014 Gawker is complete.

This version is quirky yet relatable, somehow lives in a spot on the shelf it could never afford, and eventually realizes it's in love with Settlers of Cataan.

I'd like to think that Gary Busey thought talking to Donald Trump on camera was his own coke-fueled delusion and he was just rolling with it.

It's interesting to see the Newswire rather rapidly picking the editorial tone and sensibilities of the old Gawker sites. Part of Univision's plan, I guess…