Irish choirs are in danger of going stale. I'm taking it to strange new places!

Good thing my set is just me reading from The Brothers Karamazov.

The Ke$ha, Skrillex, Hillary Clinton super-group?

It's kind of crazy to think that there was a time when Kanye and 50 Cent were releasing albums on the same day and challenging each other on who would sell more copies…Actually, given the current state of affairs, I yearn for those times.

We're repeating who in the what now?

Maybe I've just been listening to too much sad bastard music, but there is something so tragic about becoming the oldest person on the planet. What else would you think about, besides the fact that everyone you grew up with is dead? You've seen more than anyone else, and you have no one to share it with who can truly…

Trump's a stupid moron with an ugly face and a big butt and his butt smells and…sometimes he likes to smell his own butt.

When I was in the Army, one of my co-workers told me that he had a loaded Glock on him at all times, even in his house. Why? Because if someone broke in to brutalize his family he didn't want to waste the time to go upstairs and get his gun. When I asked him "if you seriously think criminals could break into your…

I actually think one of the best arguments for Trump's senility is the amount of people who agreed to work with him now only to rapidly back out or begin to fall apart themselves. I don't have any sympathy for Spicer, but he's clearly aware that he's in way too deep with these morons.

They all seriously have the kind of persecution complex you see in sociopaths. If they screw up, it's not a big deal. If someone slights them in even the smallest way, they freak out.

This is the Clin-Ton News Network! As news overlord, all will kneel trembling before our info graphics and obey Jake Tapper's brutal commands! End communication.

Um, all of them? I probably watched that 100 Greatest One Hit Wonders show on Vh1 a hundred times between 2007-2008…

You mustn't kill time, Teti, you must cherish it! Seize the day!…Can I have some change to go get loaded?

Well, she's turned into a Trump-supporting conspiracy theorist (anti-vax, chemtrails, the global rich are trying to force non-childbearing lifestyles on us to lower the population…seriously). So, you know, there's that.

WHAT'S YA MAYJAH, KID? GO PATS!

Yeah, but I'd take a bunch of constitution law experts invading this place over angry Breitbart commenters.

Lester is one of our sleaziest names. This guy, that James Woods character in Casino, and so on.

Power of the Dark Side, like a Sith lord.

You're like the Dixie Chicks in 2003 and we're red state America. Except, you know, we're right this time.

The source material had a similarly smarmy yet out of touch tone. It's like, the creators are about half as smart as they think they are while the subjects are only half as dumb as they're portrayed.