Just play him some deep cuts from JC's Cool Times Summer Jamz mix and he'll be okay.

Chicken teriyaki in a plastic clamshell container, from a place that looked to have questionable hygienic practices was a staple for me when I was stationed at Ft. Lewis.

Not feeling sticky all the time, plus it is perfect climbing weather in my opinion.

Finished up my first month of grad school without any major complications, which is good considering I started this program with absolutely no prior experience or any idea what to expect. Had a great time over Labor Day weekend.

How else are dangerously underweight individuals like most A.V. Club readers supposed to become fat lardos on workman's comp?

White Castle is disgusting, east coast trash. It is the Philadelphia of burgers, and I simply cannot abide by its inclusion on any 'Best of…" list. Needless to say, here I am on the internet within minutes registering my disgust throughout the world.

A.V. Club Hall of Famer Nathan Rabin now in the comments section, pleading with the commenters for…for some kind of sanity.

If played backwards, many Dane Cook routines contain satanic messages encouraging people to kill themselves that I find rather humorous.

Counterpoint—Cutesy, over eager flight attendants mugging for viral kudos are the scum of the earth. Just give me my fucking mini-pretzels, ask me to check my bags so they can be rerouted to Charlotte, and let me be miserable in silence.

I may be revealing my New York snobbery, but I would rather eat a cold spicy penne pasta MRE than something from Olive Garden.

As someone who recently left the military, the most baffling thing to me is this—every other veteran and service member I know claims to hate hearing that old, cheap, "Thank you for your service," from a random civilian. And yet, my Facebook feed is filled with what essentially amounts to a tantrum over the fact that…

Mandvi have really got to get these fatwas under control…

Stranger Things and the second season of Difficult People. I also saw that Nick Offerman/Megan Mullally live show, and to be honest it was a bit too cute for me. I still like them, but I need about a month without them now, if that makes sense.

I finally finished The Brief, Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao. I liked it a lot, and I'm ready to get in on the literary zeitgeist of, oh, nine years ago if anyone has access to a time machine.

In the words of Jim Gaffigan himself…

Now if we mix this with some bacon 'n cheese body lotion we can get a human Double Down. That should make for one terrible edition of Savage Love…

I kind of thought the same thing when Trump got really into the Birther movement. In general I find myself thinking that late in life turns towards extreme conservatism are a sign of mental deterioration (Helloooooo, David Mamet). This just seems so much more intense, though. The commitment to going through with this…

I'd like to think it is just bunch a lewd limericks and crude doodles of dinosaurs eating a stick figure Sam Neill.

And how come my car hole is above ground?!

He was going to read some interesting scripts, start a production company, and repaint the tool shed out back…but he was just overcome by ennui, got drunk, and eventually showed back up with a puppy.