That might be a bridge too far, but John Mulaney is working pretty cheap these days.

The joke is a part of us all. A part of us all. A part of us all!

*Takes massive bong rip*

That B Ration looked only slightly more disgusting than a vegetarian omelette MRE circa 2006…

This should really be filed to Great Job, Internet!.

I've still got a bottle of champagne left over from New Years, so that should get me through the pending snowpocalypse upper forties and intermittent showers in Washington. I also picked up a couple of bottles of a local chocolate stout that I'm excited to try.

I had a really awesome grad school related interview. As in, went almost an hour longer than I had expected and ended with an offer to continue assisting me in getting my post-Army career started. That was last Thursday and I'm still riding pretty high off of it.

I tried a Mussels Basquaise recipe that I had received as a Christmas gift. I'm by no means the most competent cook, but I'll take the fact that I am still healthy enough to type this as a testament to my growing abilities.

Ugh, I have such a bad visceral reaction to giving contractors their own Pearl Harbor-style glory film. This just looks like Krasinski's B-List effort to cash in on Bradley Cooper's "Gee, aren't military dudes badass and look at how much I've bulked up," efforts.

I am, and Southern Kitchen is so delicious. I just might have to get some catfish for breakfast tomorrow.

But you can go as any Ayatollah! Ayatollah Nakhbadeh, Ayatollah Zahedi, Ayatollah Razmada!

I'd probably buy a few properties around the world, ensure that my family was comfortably taken care off, and travel the globe for a year. I would also invest in a trustworthy financial planner and a real financial panther to invest the rest and intimidate the many enemies I assume I'll make. After that, I'd probably…

Uncle Jesse is Darth Plagueis?

Season 6B of The Sopranos. Phil Leotardo is just such a prick…

I collected my DD214 and officially left the Army last Friday. This has been a pretty typically rainy week in Washington, so for the past three days I've felt like Homer Simpson blowing off church. "Everyone is stupid except me," I think, as I roll over to sleep some more and think about everyone making the wet,…

I'm starting two books I received for Christmas. The Boys In The Boat, which is about the University of Washington rowing team at the 1936 Olympics. I'm also starting The Sympathizer, about a Vietnamese double agent.

If not Dee Reynolds, his type is certainly hunks who need to be oiled up.

I can attribute this directly to my first childhood crush, but I just dig not only the dark hair and big brown eyes look—think Jennifer Connelly or Maggie Siff—but also…larger noses. As in, what Sarah Jessica Parker has and what Jennifer Grey tried to eliminate. I can't explain it any further, but what would normally…

It's a shame that neither Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan, or Yoda gave Anakin the proper ocular pat down and cleared him for passage…

Everyone knows that CNN has descended into toothless, out of touch mediocrity. What this presupposes is…maybe it didn't.