Everybody's feeling sorry for Jesus, saying he only had twelve friends. I'm 89 years old and I haven't had twelve friends in my life!

I am disrespectful to Rebels! Can you see that I am serious?

I call him Gamblor! And it's time to save your mother from his neon claws!

Well, it's not quite a mop, and it's not quite a puppet…but man…so to answer your question, I don't know.

A key event in the Mulder-Scully relationship…

Yes, Patton was a masterpiece.

There is nothing ridiculous about an alien posing as a minor-league baseball player. Absolutely nothing at all.

Excellent choice. That and In Search Of used to terrify me.

I don't know why, but Darkness Falls, an episode about killer termites attacking a logging camp, still scares me. I guess I just hate the idea of being trapped in the woods.

This is extremely random, but there is a commercial from my childhood that I remember terrifying me. It was for Afrin or a similar nasal spray, and it involved people's heads turning into giant noses. I would have to leave the room if this commercial came on and it gave me quite a few nightmares. Eventually, it spread…

I had a bottle of Southern Tier's Pumpking, which I've never seen out in Washington. It certainly lived up to the hype.

Don't blame me, I voted for Kodos!

Fuck people who don't clean up after their dogs…on a crowded street…that plenty of people jog and walk on. Infuriating.

*Ruth Powers shudder*

Bad internet is bad.

Ah, the Deep South of the far north…

Awww, Boston. It thinks it's people a real city…

RIGHT THROUGH THE FAHKIN' LEGS, KID! I KNOW WE WON THREE FAHKIN' CHAMPIONSHIPS AFTAH', BUT I GAWTA' RETAIN THE CHIP AWN MY FAHKIN' SHOULDAH'!

I remember those, that was right around the time I discovered this site. Of course, I always browsed the A.V. Club with an onion tied to my belt, as was the style of the time.

Google has yielded no results, and I've gotten in quite a few disagreements over the existence of this hypothetical show, but I swear that UPN aired a program around 2001 in which people were dropped on an island and subsequently hunted for sport with paintball guns. I know this show existed and I will not be…