Don’t you have more important things to do? Like throwing bananas at black soccer players?

Rolled my eyes so hard I saw my own brain.

Also, interleague play, lack of pennant race drama, $14 beers, unabashed owner greed, and…

Andrew Luck 2012: *Takes a sack* Great job, man. Insane hustle. You really got me.

Andrew Luck 2019: You even just look at the ceiling and wish you could stop existing? Like, not die, but just POOF and cease being altogether. Maybe it’s nothing but motionless, soundless black. Complete emptiness. Nothingness. But it’s…

The point will be waaaaaay the fuck over here when you’re ready to start not missing it.

I mean, if you’re gonna unfurl a ‘Trump 2020’ flag somewhere, you might as well do it where the people there are so stupid they went to an Orioles game in August.

The umpire made a borderline call, Gardner disagreed with it and started smashing his bat into the ceiling of the dugout. Seems like a straightforward action/reaction situation. Is your main criterion for showing someone up that you have to be looking at them while you throw a tantrum or smash something? Or that if…

This is getting entertaining.

A Yankee being obnoxious? That usually falls to their fans. You know, the kind who realizes the Yanks are having some pitching problems. Then, after some deep thought, calls a sports-talk station and suggests the Yankees trade one minor leaguer nobody considers a prospect to the Mets, for Noah and Jake (maybe Wheeler…

No, you don’t get it. They’re owning the haters and making them look stupid. Stop trying to twist your fake news around this savagery.

Appropriate for a bunch of jerk-offs.

“If you’re gonna bang something, have the decency to go do it in the clubhouse, like I did.”

That was a pithier reply than I'd have expected from him, but it's probably not the first time he finished quickly talking about feet.

With this one conversation Lamar Jackson is now a closer friend than any other member of Rodgers’ family.

I look forward to the day when the rulebook takes four pages to define a clap. 

Jay Z has always been about making money for Jay Z, first and foremost. He may do other things occasionally, but at the end of the day, he’ll do what he thinks will make him the most money.
Never forget that Russell Simmons took Jay-Z to Occupy Wall St., only to have Jay Z turn around and make the “Occupy All Streets”…

For the remainder of the preseason, Nagy will make Long barf on the exact same spot of the field until he gets it right.

I can’t wait for the Seattle Raisins You Thought Were Chocolate Chips!

Is it possible to register a 40 time of NULL?

The most damning thing I can think of about the Titans is that, on any Sporcle quiz in which you need to identify NFL teams, the Titans are always the least-guessed.