Maybe if you didn’t wear 4-6 shirts to bed you would not sweat so much at night.

aren’t the real winners us, the viewing public, who get to hear the dulcet tones of joe biden forgetting where his carers are and visibly panicking

My dad was a raging alcoholic asshole who would sell his own kid for a nickle.

That sounds exactly like my father; if you can believe it, in a storybook twist, he actually had the good graces to die on my birthday last year. It felt like all my christmases at once.

Being on Twitter has a way of leading one to expose one’s ass.

That being said, is there a non-offensive way to say that I find it really weird that according to Schefter she’s apparently unable to tell her story to the NFL at any point this week because she’s off...getting married? Immediately after filing this…

Wow! Great post! iPhone 11 didn’t include:
Pointless charging gimmick
Pencil with nowhere to put it?
New cellular technology that nobody is clamoring for and .02% of the population has access to.
That one thing that apple said they’d never have on phones (is 256GB not enough??)
Ports removed generations ago
Hard hitting…

Here’s my essay: I also was friends/roommates with a magnetic pathological liar for several years. It was bad and shitty. When I was 23 I told her I was moving out and that she should get therapy because no one could trust a damn thing she said. Last I heard she had a kid and I felt sorry for it. The end.

Not the Antonio Brown come back story I expected.

best cheap beer: Corona

Oh no, not my favorite app Humour Camera

if they’re looking for candidates, i know a guy who has a baseball background as a player and a business background as an exec for a video game company. he’s also got a real handle on social media and can probably procure state funding like a badass.

I feel like the downfall of the series was when it started going towards the Jackass style humor and giving Bam Margera a bigger role.

Fun Fact: in the halftime show, Big Boi rode a Cadillac down the field for more yards than the Rams had in the entire first half.

Whitney is like if every precious late 00's indie band with jangly guitars laced their chamomile teas with trazodone. Every Whitney song has vocals delivering the same intonation and drumming that sounds designed to not disturb the neighbors during band practice. Imagine James Blunt joining Real Estate and having an…

7th grade football. First game of the season. I felt a rumble in my lower abdomen during warmups. Right before kickoff I had to sprint to the bathroom. The stalls didn’t have doors on them, but I had barely made it to the toilet in time so I didn’t have a choice.

Roth, I gotta say: you’re my favorite contributor on here.

HOLY SHIT. I love the internet sometimes.

wait till teller here’s about this bullshit!

Look you keep talking about his losses but all I know is at the end of the night, he finally ended a 7 fight losing streak.

You okay, man? Need a glass of water or something?