“I hate him. If I don’t ever see him again, it won’t be too soon.”

Being a sore loser and not conceding when he loses, shit talking the organizations when he doesn’t get their endorsements, stealing campaign data, whining about the establishment when he almost exclusively gets positive press and now constantly changing the conditions after agreeing to them - it’s Bernie’s world…

But he uses semicolons correctly, so he’s got a leg up on like 95 percent of us.

Byron Scott: I specifically told you guys to make sure they E’Twauned less. Look at your game plans!

Peyton Manning: I’ll take “Football Excuses” for 200.

Tsonga left her in the care of Nikolay Davydenko, the sport’s expert on fixing things.

Like I'm going to listen to the opinion of someone who goes to the airport to watch a movie.

Kinda shitty of you making the video all blurry at the end, Tim.

Maybe you’ve never heard of a little something called HIPAA, which stands for “Health Insurance: Privacy Always Applies.”

Whenever the End Times come, we need to make sure we save Antonio Cromartie for re-population purposes.

I hear Glenn Consor is difficult to share a booth with. Everything has to be in juuust the right place or he throws a fit. Tidiness is real important to him. He’s really anal about it.

Yeah, you can’t call people “fa**ot.” The asterisks are too hard to pronounce.