Officials didn't have enough to charge Wells with rape, so they settled for inappropriate Huggins.

She better hope her aim is good. Otherwise she might end up with a giant gash.

Can't blame the guy for trying to make the Maoist of the moment.

Don't get me started on Leo "If He a Didn't Hit It, It Must Not Be A Catch" DeCaprio.

With that type of unexpected shit, it's no wonder why he's a McDonald's All-American.

"It went in. There was nothing magical about it," said the man in the emergency room with a saw embedded in his chest.

"Can't deny that the windmill was tight, though."

I have a lot of questions about this tape, but the main one that comes to mind is, what kind of idiot would want to watch him play against random people in a Wal Mart parking lot on grainy surveillance footage when you can watch him compete against the best players in the world in high definition every Sunday on FOX?…

It's actually just a funny made-up name. We Canadians have a word for the concept, but you wouldn't understand it.

Alfredo Simon: [backs car up]

Eh, fuck that guy.

I learned to roll a joint from a nine-and-a-half-fingered Belgian count.

Yeah, think of all the other important, consequential stories we could have been posting at 10pm on a Thursday.

The Lakers are 15-41.

There was actually better film available, but when it came time for the final edit, they inexplicably decided to leave it in the can.

How could you let that guy in the building?

Shallow wisdom compared to Sofia Coppola, who's been phoning it in for decades.