+1

In defense of the guy in the "Darren Wilson" jersey, he comes from a long line of assholes who murdered young black men.

Kemp went on to say, "that area he calls balls is pretty nasty too."

.

City officials have already instructed the locals to "just drive over to the next block and look for parking" that weekend.

McConaughey: Ask yourself, man, when you look in the bathroom mirror tonight, what do you see? I tell you what I see. I see Matthew McConaughey looking at Matthew McConaughey looking back at Matthew McConaughey and he sees everything I see while I see him seeing it. Do you follow me?

Dick Floyd Mayweather usually just goes by the name Floyd, but sometimes he'll ask to be called Richard. Lately though, folks have just taken to calling him a penis.

Michael Phelps Blew A .14 BAC

+1

"Yeah, why dontcha' go tell your mom!!! See how well that plays!," the step-dad shouted, all the while jamming the boy's late 80's Honda Accord car stereo full of peanut butter.

Marshall didn't get fined as the league didn't see it as taunting, but rather evidence that he too was just getting tired of putting up with his own shit.

+1

Colorado

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Moreno's new stadium plans go so far as to include giving specific instructions to the staff that all a la carte food items be referred to as laissez-faire.

How embarrassing. Not even the most amateur domestic would be caught holding sheets with a thread count of 500.

I used to think that shitty product the Jets left on the field, the one they called 'football,' was because they were bad, but it turns out they're all actually just big fans of dominoes.

+1

[SSE'd]

I don't really buy into this whole curses thing, but if it is true it sure goes a long way towards explaining why Mercury Morris hasn't stopped being an insufferable asshole for the last 40 years.