Cam Newton had to watch the replay 7 or 8 times before he believed that “went down without contact” was actually a thing.

this....this is a better synopsis of why we suck than anything you could have written drew. nothing against you, but this lady takes the cake.

Nah, the worst is having a partner who is so insecure that they feel the need to critique whether or not the fantasy in question is edgy and hip enough.

Bold move, memorializing our reverence of football as religion in a concrete way. All hail the football!

And this is why the absolute worst person in the post, counterintuitively, is pizza place mom #2.

That this man is the only thing standing between Brady and six rings might be proof there is a higher power.

Gronk is the meathead who’d call himself a meathead and have fun with it.

And, you broke your mouse on the last click. Out for the season.

I have transcended your stats, advanced and otherwise. You saw an interception. I saw a ripple in the fabric of space time caused by the precise wobble of the ball I threw to that safety. I saw the way that ripple in the fabric of space time saved an entire civilization of advanced mollusks from being decimated by an…

I’ve lived in Houston for over 20 years, and I love it here, so I have to take exception with your statement:

J.J. Watt is the living wet dream of every commenter at ProFootballTalk. When our supremely fucked-up football culture looks at itself in the mirror, Watt is what it sees: a big humorless white dolt who presents himself as his own private branch of the U.S. military, who supposedly eats, sleeps, and breathes FOOTBAW…

Every day Tim Tebow is alive, someone who might have benefited from fetal tissue research continues to suffer.

Skip Bayless’ dry cleaner is torn between knowing he’s finally going to be able to afford that swimming pool, and dreading how he’s going to earn it.

The last time the Dolphins were really good, we had two white running backs.

The Dolphins replaced their happy Dolphin jumping through a hoop logo with one floundering while gasping for its last breath, which has to be the most on-brand logo change in history.

As the originator of the phrase (it’s...really the only thing in life on which my hat can hang), thanks for remembering.

“20 minutes in and I’m still this far from the stadium? Thank god for these terraces!”
[jumps]

Can we go ahead and get “That’s just what millionaire assholes do,” emblazoned on the NFL Shield logo?

Yoga: for fat people? Asking for a friend that is fat and is also me.

NFL RUMOR ALERT: Rex Ryan pushing extremely hard to land Ryan Tannehill.