You move your starting line back a stride if you do that, though. Preserving that one-step head start has to outweigh the “starting block” when you’re only running 90 feet.

Weird lead, man. My stomach (hungry) and Wimbledon hopes (slim-to-none) remain the same.

“They won, but merely by being better, you know?”

Their names weren’t released. One of the two made a statement for the news and gave her name. Notice how she’s the only one named in this article?

“Nope. I use Bing. It’s the most refreshing search engine, just the best.” —Russell Wilson

They didn’t deserve him. Year after year, anemic offense, never even sniffing the playoffs, and he never complained about any of it. He’d just go out there every fifth day and mow batters down.

Trying to train with the Navy SEALs —including long runs in combat boots! — likely didn’t help either.

I’m a rube on the West Coast who’s never set foot in a law school, and I thought it was a funny-ass reference.

Baylor. UNM to Baylor, back when he was still a D-1 big shot.

Yes, those ugly-ass shirts certainly scream “marketing genius,” undeniably the work of a master, the game will never be the same

I like that the answer to this question was, “Uh, I’m too real.”

THANK you. All I get from that quote is, “If and when I fuck everything up, it was on purpose, okay? Also I have delusions of grandeur.”

I love this theory and am currently laughing all over again.

Homeboy has become unstuck in time

I’m not sure what this is, but ... congratulations?

“We talked about church stuff . . . and, uh, the status of The Ukraine” is like when I tell my wife I’m going to my friend’s house to watch the game . . . and, uh, maybe the strip club after that?

“Per say”? C’mon, weekend Jez.

“If someone tells you they wouldn’t send their daughter to Baylor, pray for their untimely violent death — and when it happens, tell everyone IT WAS BECAUSE OF ALL THE DRUG DEALING!”

“THEY MESSED WITH THE WRAWNG FAKKIN’ NARRATIVE!”

“Jeff Gannon, Talon News!”