So can I assume that Bill Simmon’s hard-on is visible from space right now?

It’s late and it’s been a long day so my math may be a little fuzzy but... I’d have to squat about 620 lbs, bench 300, and deadlift 776 to match her weight lifted/body weight ratio. That is bonkers!

The tone of voice from the guy in the “camera car” as he says “call 9-1-1" is so world weary that it’s laughable. That guy has seen this shit before and is sad that he’s seeing it yet again.

I wanna read with you, Cowboy!

In so much as it’s possible for an out-of-shape 50 year old, middle-classed dummy to feel sorry for a younger, better looking, stronger, unimaginably wealthy, mega-celebrity athlete... I feel bad for LeBron right now. He’s got to feed the media machine because that’s part of the deal, but the media machine can be so…

I work for a company that manufactures ceiling tiles and sells direct to the public. Our tiles follow the industry standard sizes of 2' x 2' and 2' x 4'. A little part of of me dies every time I have to explain to an adult that a 2' x 2' tile does in fact cover 4 square feet of ceiling, not 2 square feet.

“Save me, Jeebus!” I made it as far as the opening shot before my palms started sweating and I noped on out. Fuuuuuuck that!

Without a doubt, this will be the best comment thread I read today. Informative, reasoned, polite, and humorous. This is the sort of conversation you’d have with friends over a beer or three. Nice work, Deadspin readers!

Well said. And I think you’ll agree with me that Earl Manigault was the real and original “Goat”!

+1 to this sentiment. The paint scheme would also guarantee that my wife would never want to borrow it!

Have a star, you monster!

Some day we’ll discover that LeBron was created in David Stern’s Secret Basketball Laboratory (DSSBL®) and deposited in Cleveland as part of Stern’s grand plan to re-invigorate NBA Basketball.

<applause> This is why I love the comments at Deadspin. Well presented with a bit of supporting research. Now I feel even smarter than that time I stayed at a Holiday Inn Express!

Pens fan here so suck it! take this for what it’s worth: I love the way he plays, am amazed by his skill, can’t believe the amount of cheap shots he puts up with, but am still put off by some of his on-ice whining. I get why some folks hate him, but I’m pretty sure if your favorite team acquired him in a trade next…

Trump comes across as a knucklehead when surrounded by his hand-picked staff in the safe confines of the White House. But when he interacts with real statesmen/spies who’ve got years of actual experience in international relations, he looks even dumber (hard to believe that’s possible, but here we are)

Trump comes across as a knucklehead when surrounded by his hand-picked staff in the safe confines of the White House. But when he interacts with real statesmen/spies who’ve got years of actual experience in international relations, he looks even dumber (hard to believe that’s possible, but here we are)

Mr David Mendez makes an excellent point: “Not one fact that even points in the direction of your clam.”

Welcome to the team! After wearing overalls through high school and college, I gave them up for a while. Once I’d tricked romanced a fine woman into marrying me, I returned to overalls.

Amazon Prime to the rescue, my friend! https://www.amazon.com/Fritos-Spicy-Jalape%C3%B1o-Flavored-Chips/dp/B06XFSF4TB/ref=sr_1_1_a_it?ie=UTF8&qid=1494963177&sr=8-1&keywords=jalapeno+fritos

We’ve probably all had a super-intense teammate. For me, the real factor was what kind of person they were away from the game. If they were pretty chill and decent guys away from the actual game, then it was easy to let those “in game” interactions slide, even if they sometimes crossed the line. But, if they’re…