They’d drag out that awful Lee Greenwood song for that.

Can you imagine Trump in 1961 making a speech like that? They'd lock him in a rubber room and throw away the key. I know I wouldn't follow him to the water fountain if I were dying of thirst. 

Were they good margaritas, or did they just whisper "tequila" into the machine?

This. Enough already with GBA. 9/11 was 18 goddamned years ago. There are people at the ballpark who weren't even born when it happened. 

You could just use your provider’s 4G connection, if it works inside the terminal. That may be capped, but it’s probably more secure and more reliable.

And they kind of suck at business, too.

Naah. At least 65%.

Large container of concrete...defective trampoline...yeah, any ACME gag device will do.

The problem with Texas, after living here for about two and a half years, is that it’s a fucking free for all. Want to drive a ‘92 Cadillac with 30 inch donk wheels? Go nuts. Want to work on your straight piped diesel truck at 2 in the morning? Go right ahead. Ain’t no law against it. Mowing your lawn against your…

To make trouble for the Democrats who might object to something idiotic Trump said. Anything at all. Seems they knew all about Trump all along, and preemptively put that shit in the rule book.

BBut you probably never said anything so delibrately malicious as what Trump said.

ACLU is on the case, for what that’s worth.

What about claymore mines? Surely you're still vulnerable if you lack any means of turning burglars into hamburger.

Such as, ICE is sending out goons to bang on doors to round up undocumented people. They actually busted through a window to get one guy in Minnesota. Others are holed up in their apartments with the doors locked. This is what is happening while Donald Trump acts the fool on Twitter.

TThe Houston Whataburgers?

OOh no, we need to constantly be on Twitter, mocking him, since the courts are saying that because he's a public figure, he can't block anyone anymore. I've finally gotten a Twitter account, and the dissenters have outnumbered supporters at least three to one. It's freaking hilarious!

WWell, the Senate is legally required to try impeachments. That said, Mitch plans to fast-walk any that he gets. Very minimal investigation, debate, etc., the barest minimum that the Constitution requires. I say bring the charges one at a time, and make those bastards work for the rest of the term.

Yes, they do.

It’s humorous to watch someone trying to drive in the snow with wheels like that. Unless you live somewhere that doesn’t get snow, you’re far better off with tall tires and smaller wheels. Give me a stock Toyota Corolla in the wintry mess any day. Preferably an older one.

Yeah, that doesn’t work as well going to, say, Berlin, where noon Eastern is 6PM. You just gotta suck it up and get up early.