I'll allow it!

The tasteful gentleman in me is sometimes annoyed by the laziness of wearing yoga pants in public, but the perv in me is grateful for all these ass cracks and camel toes out in public.

[ghostly theme song plays]

Not enough scenes of Lara needlessly torturing her butler by shooting him and locking him in the walk-in freezer, if you ask me.

I snuck out of work, on the clock, to go see Jupiter Ascending because I was in the office alone and unsupervised and I was very bored. Basically, I got paid to watch Jupiter Ascending, and I still want my money back.

Do you want ants? Because that's how you get ants!

Then that'd be cool.

Who the fuck is out there talking shit about The Fifth Element? Just gimme names and I'll take care of it!

You can just say Chris Tucker.

You're doing God's work.

That source? You guessed it.

You mean those are Donald Trump tweets about Ivanka.

I went to see The Daily Show last fall (pre-election, a more innocent time) and Noah was doing his pre-show routine talking to the audience and everything. He fielded a question from the woman sitting next to me, but for a split second he and I made direct eye contact. I think we were both creeped out.

I see no way that this could possib-lie go wrong.

The robit is all of us.

Jezebel commenters be like "Here's a million reasons why Dave Chappelle is problematic!" and I'll be like "Bitch, Dave Chappelle is basically the guy who threw the mainstream spotlight on a lot of the shit you built your whole personality around, so maybe slow your roll."

Michael Jackson's This Is It was disturbing enough a portrayal of an undead clown monster, thank you very much.

He'll also be taking the form of a pina colada on a breezy island.

Yeah, but it's a lot harder to practice making out with Trevor Noah on a 24" monitor than a gigantic 55" TV.

Jezebel is fine sometimes, but then other times it's like "Top 10 vets who fat shamed my dog".