He did a big poopy! It was the best poopy! He must be poopying right, he's the President!

When I was very little I was on a merry-go-round and the horse I was riding on was broken and I fell down and hurt myself.

"Driving Rain" and "Chaos and Creation in the Backyard" could be in his top 5 albums.

Bro the donut game in Torrance is on point.

My favorite bit is where she goes on stage and she's like "Everybody look under your chairs! You get raped, and you get raped, and you get raped!"

I've been paying Hulu $8/month for years just so I could watch The Daily Show and they went and lost the rights. Now they're gonna rope me back in with this shit?

Rock snobs would never admit it, but the man has been on a streak of great albums one after the other since Flowers In the Dirt.

All of them, I hope. I loved Luck almost as much as I hate horses, which is to say a lot.

Oh, so that's why I suddenly went half chub just now.

I'm from New Hampshire, and where I come from Dunkin Donuts is basically the same thing as the Catholic Church.

Burning Man?

Yes I did.

The atrocity of my situation is compounded further by the fact that I practically live right next fucking door to Randy's Donuts, which is as legit as donuts get.

Oof, but Glendale though. That ain't happenin' for me.

Oh my god, I just "got" the name for Chick-fil-A.

What's the deal with the iPhone keyboard? Why does it always pick the exact worst and wrong word to autocorrect to?

Can we talk about donuts here?

There's actually the seed of a really funny idea in there, that could be a pretty fun farce.

Tell me more about these cookies and what I need to do to earn them.

…Yes.