I got back from seeing "A Monster Calls" a few hours ago. This movie is gonna be an instant traumatic childhood classic on par with "Time Bandits" or "Neverending Story". I'll be adding it to my top 5 of 2016, without a doubt.

Seems a lot like 2016 to me.

Check out Matchstick Men bro, movie's fucking awesome.

I'll stack up Frogger and Pac-Man against any fuckin' game out today, and you tell me which is better!

[How I Met Your Mother producers taking notes in the corner]

Telling me I'm pooping wrong? I don't have to take this crap!

Speaking as somebody who loves Beat Happening and Belle & Sebastian, I'm sick to death of how fucking twee every goddamn thing is.

The only part of LA that matters, you corn dog.

They do in LA!

Anybody know where I can get a good slice of pizza?

No, I'm D. Boon.

YEAH MOTHERFUCKER

"2016: Ain't deservin' of a donkey dick!"

Dude, what are you talking about, this jerkoff is a tot-

I mean… Blonde was pretty good!

Good news, though: Amazon Prime Now delivers booze! Now when I read unbearably sad news like this, I don't have to walk all the way to the CVS for some whisky!

I don't know what Portrait of Ruin is, but I'll assume it's one of those newfangled Castlevania games, in which case I'd love to invite you to get the fuck off my lawn.

That's because it's the best game in the series and I will fight you.

Jesus, we're still doing this gag?

Super Castlevania is the best in the series and I will fight you.