Solidarity sister. 

I miss Trophy Wife.

Dexter would like to join us in this conversation

Right? Well we couldn’t indict you because frankly no one listens to you or does what you say, and we couldn’t indict your son because he’s dummer than a bag of hammers. We regret the insult to hammers, which are useful.

OMG thank you for that! Damn 70s ‘disaster’ movies were so awesome. And don’t forget the seminal Michael Jackson hit song that goes with it!

HA! I’d have dated you just for having a fish named MurderFace and I don’t even know who Dethklok is.

Excellent point, especially since if you’re under Mar-a-lago, you’re literally sleeping with the fishes, because even there the porous limestone foundations only go so deep.

I know, I just hate Murdoch. But I adore you!

Well didn’t we JUST find out that Mexico is like four countries?

Yeah, despite being a dumb Yank, I’ve been a bit buried in a several books focusing on the early 19th and 20th century in England lately, and even I know HRH doesn’t get to plonk down Governors in other countries. Your tabloids are freaking wild. FFS they make it sound like Wills is on the war path with everyone from…

Right? Maybe it took place in the womb? Because holy cats man, those are some incredibly good looking people, with incredibly good looking spousal units. And they look like they really like each other and are having a good time.

Same! Like if I get a BLT at the work cafeteria, the cook knows that I only like light mayo on one side. The first time I didn’t specify that thing was slathered in the goo, ugh! I love ketchup, but I’m also a bit of a freak about mustard, usually have three to six different types on hand, and BBQ sauce.

Wow! That is real commitment to the bit. How long did you end up having the fish? What did you name them?

DING! DING! DING! This has got to take it all! Perfectly written, and your best friend sounds beyond awesome! Holy crap, the escalating panic and flop sweat of the tower of lies is exemplary! I’d read a book of your essays for sure. This is gold.

I’m surprised you didn’t have to burn the car! I imagine it must have been like that episode of Seinfeld where they can’t get the smell out so they just abandon it with the keys in it.

This was so perfectly written I felt every moment, right down to the cucumber melon body wash (which there is a bottle of in my tub right now, and I’m hardly a teenager any more!). I’m also jealous of you being able to play such incredibly beautiful music. After reading this I just told Alexa to play chamber music.

This is hilarious and diabolical! I love it. Though I do actually strongly dislike mayonnaise.

I just turned 45, never married, several long term relationships. I just realized I prefer being single. Single does not mean alone, I am surrounded by friends and family.

the fact that he would move mountains for others while only giving you a pick axe to move your own speaks volumes

You did the right thing for you at the right time. You couldn’t do it before, and that doesn’t make you bad or wrong. The old adage that you read is just that.... it’s’ an old adage. It does NOT define you now. It didn’t define what you did in your past. We all do things that we know aren’t good, or even great for…