you're the best thing i like about taylor

"You're gonna need a bigger ego"

I love Rebel, so I'll forgive her hardcore #humblebrag

Bob sounds so concerned for Darren in those photos. "The hell is going on here? Guys, what's happening here? "

You're the right kind of crazy, kiddo.

Is this a Motorola Razr?

Please remove yourself from society and go live with wolves. Actually, no, wolves are too good for you. Find an island and never make contact. Have fun making your own food!

I mean this sincerely: there is no way to say the phrases "I will argue against the servers" and "think these servers need to suck it up," without being an AWFUL human being.

I like using this place to vent about work, but today I'm just going to talk about how much I love my co-workers and management for this:

No. Be quiet.

I did once have the pleasure of being in a restaurant when a server I know was similarly insulted. After my friend was out of earshot, I leaned around my booth as the "gentleman" in question started to expound, and cheerfully delivered the news that their server was starting a graduate program in psychology in two…

Ugh.

Oh yeah, we're totally insane. As you've just read here how AWESOME people are, we gotta be bat shit crazy not to want to spend all our time with humans.

These are feeling less and less like true stories as much as exercises in creative writing classes :(. Food industry sucks, I know it. I've been there and have come across some crazy people.

I can't possibly be the only server who thinks putting "extra love," whatever the hell that may mean, in a person's omelet is unconscionable, no matter how much of a dickwalrus the person is? I mean, unless "extra love" means "too much black pepper" or something. In my more than 20 years of serving, no matter how…

I feel like I would have gone over my degrees, pointed out where that landed me, and then talk about how successful Gates and Zuckerberg were as dropouts.

"Oh god this big bucket of soap and water just accidentally'd all over you... oh noes"

He turns to his bright-eyed eight year old, sitting but two feet from me, and says, "You see son? This is why you should stay in school."(FFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU)