It’s about time they brought Hannah Einbinder to justice!

If they want to try something new and fresh, they should go the Aliens route and make an action movie about a squad of priests with holy water super soakers fighting an army of possessed little girls.

The only reason I made it all the way through Lost Skeleton of Cadavra was Animala.

Assuming they’re not asking for $100 million: why the fuck isn’t this funded yet? An Aubrey Plaza/John Waters project sounds amazing.

“I don’t say Mi-nawj, YOU say Mi-nawj. I say Mi-nah-j.”

I wish I was rich enough to sabotage someone’s European tour. That sounds like fun.

“...and that little boy whom nobody liked grew up to be... Roy Cohn Donald Trump.”

I appreciate Supersize Me because it gave a couple of my high school health teachers something to throw on when they were too hung over to teach.

Man, Garfield doesn’t take shit from anybody!

“Episode 4: Live Frito or Pie Hard - Bobby’s twist on Peggy’s famous Frito Pie recipe becomes a sensation in Dallas, which puts them at odds.”

Which dog is Bluey? The blue dog, or the other blue dog?

To further save money, FBI: Most Wanted will be revamped as FBI: Least Wanted. Some of the upcoming episodes will be about capturing a serial jaywalker, busting a home poker game between friends, and finally apprehending a notorious Apple ][ software pirate.

Okay, but you guys get to pay for any expensive reshoots and lawsuits if Kevin Spacey starts acting up again.

The podrace itself isn’t great, but I find it endearing because of all the weird scenes peppered throughout. Like the announcers welcoming “Jabba du Hutt” with “alalalalalaalalalala”, the puppet screaming “RAAAAARRRR” before he explodes, Anakin engaging his “fix engine” switch which gives him a mega-boost for some…

*sigh* I miss Allen Gregory...

I finally viewed Unfrosted. I couldn’t stand it!

It was Dawes, you fools. Should’ve been obvious from the description of their “sweet Laurel Canyon sound”.

Quality aside, Phantom Menace still has to be the most hyped film of all-time, right? Back then it felt like every department store was absolutely saturated with tie-ins, and entire aisles were devoted to just Episode I toys.

..so this movie isn’t about lighting farts on fire?

Sweet! One more Newswire about this exact same story and I get a free sandwich!