“Ew, he’s licking up her vomit!”

*snorts* You don’t know what Starz is?? Well, for your information, Starz is a premium cable and streaming service that offers a TON of critically-acclaimed original programming, such as:

Minx
The Serpent Queen
Melon Rinds
The Culvert
Cast-Off
Gambler’s Fallacy
and St. Elmo’s Fire: The TV Series

...how the hell did Frederick fucking “please stuff me in a locker” Crane become a buff, beer-swilling fireman?

Universal reportedly paid $400 million to get the rights to The Exorcist, and David Gordon Green’s sequel/reboot The Exorcist: Believer ... opened to just over $27 million...

“I can’t believe Kevin Smith is better at making dick-and-fart joke stoner films than I am.”

The Exorcist: Ward Cleaver

*Spike Lee angrily tweets Alan Oppenheimer’s home address*

(through racking sobs) His name sounded like “Dick Buttkiss”... (cries uncontrollably)

I decided to fix it for my quote so it wouldn’t be distracting.

“Make no mistake, Sam Wineman will be sued for defamation based on what are 100 percent probably false statements,”

(“When Kelsey calls, you say yes!” he said.)

SEC: Special Goldbricking Unit

...Techno Mechanicus (or “Tau”)...

The only joy I’ve gotten out of that movie was when the AV Club did a live chat of it (god help me I’m old) twelve years ago.

Huh, I was wondering why Tom Hanks was suddenly twenty years younger and almost completely inert except for his mouth, nose, and eyes.

“People saying I shove gerbils up my ass: whatever.

Oh, hey, Moonlighting is finally coming to streaming

...although, presumably if someone takes a really gnarly hit, they’ll edit that bit out, maybe with a tastefully deployed Allstate logo covering the carnage.

Sheriff: We, uh, have reason to believe the murder of rapper Tupac Shakur was carried out by an upper and lower banner. I urge everyone to be cautious around any banners, flags, or any other type of suspended cloth bearing a symbol, logo, or other message. Thank you.

I’m calling it: the real Argylle is the bald ice cream guy from Phantasm.