Correction: It has been confirmed that Taylor Swift was actually eating a piece of chicken with mayonnaise, not ranch. Government officials are urging consumers to stockpile as much mayonnaise as possible before Swifties create a national shortage. Please seek medical help if you are experiencing any mayonnaise…

I think Letterman’s being too hard on himself considering his stellar performance in Cabin Boy.

wtf is starz and by association blindspotting, run the world, and heels lol

- Writers will benefit from much higher residual payments from streaming.
- Batgirl will finally see release.
- Bob Iger has to work at least 25 full shifts at Disney World in an air-tight Buzz Lightyear costume.
- One lucky writer gets to remove David Zazlav’s veneers with a pair of pliers (to be determined by lottery).

Saw A Haunting in Venice yesterday and was supremely disappointed. I assumed with the name “Hercule” that the main character would be a strong, tough guy who beats the shit out of everyone. Instead he’s just some old fart with a stupid mustache.

Don’t you remember his b-sides album from last year? It nearly cracked the Billboard Top 5000.

Han: Sooooo Luke, what’re you into?

Luke: Oh, I absolutely love jizz! When it comes to aural pleasure, nothing beats jizz! In fact, I love sneaking out to the clubs at night and ingesting as much jizz as humanly possible!

Han: ...

What a load!

The Expend4bles are leading the retreat with one of the worst openings of Sylvester Stallone’s career

I’m enraged that the BBC is hiding the truth about Bill Gates and his friut-fucking fetish.

As great as the songs are, I have a hard time seeing Nevermind as anything but a collection of their greatest hits. If I’m reaching for a Nirvana album, it’s gonna be In Utero; much more cohesive, fantastically abrasive and downright unsettling at times. Like a cool mix between Nevermind and Bleach.

*ascending guitar riff*

One more misspelling of Jonathan Franzen’s name and we all get a free sandwich.

Me watching Casino Royale opening night, yelling: He’s not sexy enough!

Who prays for the trots after eating poi?

This is good news for the strikes and amazing news for the rest of us.

It’s disheartening to see such perverted, anarchic behavior associated with Beetlejuice.

Here’s the number in question. I dunno, maybe they used the gentlest takes in the film, but she and the towels she’s carrying are barely making contact with that door, and that punch is clearly a forced perspective type of stunt. I’m starting to wonder if Arnold Schwarzenegger even farted in her face.

It’s always the person you could suspect.

Police will occasionally go undercover as journalists and ask indie-filmmakers  if they’re capable of murder, and then investigate further based on the answer. That’s how Hal Hartley ended up sentenced to life without parole.