Yeah right. He’s just injuring himself horribly just so he’ll have an excuse to go under the knife. I did the same thing once. I took a sledge hammer to both my ass cheeks just so I could get a butt lift at the same time.

I’ll do it. My first orders of business:

“You’ll hook up with a hot chick, and then they figure out you’re not making any money from it and they’ll dump you.”

Does this mean we have to go back to work tomorrow?

*listens to the song*

I was only going to stand and clap for 4 minutes, then I saw the guy next to me clap like a seal on cocaine. His clapping had this enthusiastic, powerful rhythm to it, some of the greatest clapping I’ve ever seen, and I thought, “If I stop and sit down now, I’m going to look weak in comparison.” So I just kept going.

Yeah, I’ve been having a hard time enjoying this new season because the animation is distractingly bad. I can count two in-between drawings for every key frame of animation and it just looks awful. Hope their budget gets better for season 4.

Yeah, but when you really think about it, 25 million people is not that much.

If they’re drug dealers, the production should’ve just bought $50,000 worth of drugs from them. Then everyone would win!

You say it’s a top 10 list but it only goes to 9. What the hell kind of Mickey Mouse operation is this??

Bigger guys than Zazlav have tried to kill Urkel. They always fail miserably.

“Will you two stop saying ‘Nick’ so much?”

Lin: Hey, what about a Batgirl movie? Has anyone tried making a film about her?

The Commentariat would like you to stop posting videos.

What I’m interpreting from this is: this footage will get leaked. So between this and finding out my student loans will be forgiven, today is the greatest day of my life.

I don’t remember this episode of Garth Marenghi’s Darkplace.

Apes. But they're not so big.

I wish they would set this new series on Candy Apple Island.

Look, I’m sorry, but I live in LA and I have an Olympic-sized swimming pool that I drain and refill every day to keep the water fresh. It’s disgusting otherwise!

They better not kill that Urkel Christmas special. No snark, I would’ve watched the shit out of it.