In fairness, it is a very likable duck.

all chaps are assless! 

So all this time my wife has been trying to pass a drug test?

Duck auto-correct strikes again

I had no idea that Troy Aikman has a CDL.

It’s easier to forgive the pomp and circumstance when you realize this is Russ’s fourth playoff game win since Durant left. 

Concerned about maintaining a passionate fan base in a city or region with little to no professional soccer history?

This would require Billy to have even a rudimentary knowledge of American soccer.

“Concerned about maintaining a passionate fan base in a city or region with little to no professional soccer history?”

Jesus Christ can Deadspin please find someone else to talk about MLS? Someone who acknowledges the domestic league doesn’t have a 100 year headstart? Someone who has the self-awareness to recognize whining about rich people starting teams in MLS while pumping up the euro leagues is a trash take? Sorry the MLS isn’t…

In private?

But then how could they connect it to Bill Simmons, the guy who did not write the article they object to, but who also really, really must drive clicks.

Darren’s just trying to wrap up the Deadspin Worst Tweet of 2019 award in record time.

Mike Francesa gave his blessing and will serve as the Best Man:

Alex Rodriguez marrying JLo quite possibly completes the greatest personal brand comeback story we’ve ever seen.

Did he book Jenny’s Sweet Sixteen party on the same night as the Wilson’s 50th anniversary party?

Holy shit! Even David Carradine wouldn’t be caught dead with that belt on.

Moderately surprised he didn’t trot out some holocaust survivors to say they were fine with the slogan.

I’m confused. How can you point the finger at Filipinos when you yourself have both a cat and a sautéed German Shepherd at your disposal?

Demi-Leigh Nel-Peters-Tebow sounds like the name of a law firm based in Narnia.