David Glass: Have Jed Lowrie killed

I see we’re blessed by the same stellar reading comprehension that attends most sports story comment sections.

Exactly: the Cavs, assuming they advance to the Finals, are good enough to beat whatever team comes out of the West without the Eastern Conference playoffs being such a relative cream puff riddled with nothing-teams.

“Oh no! The Celtics’ ‘A’ game!” (the sound of a wet firework malfunctioning)

It’s more of a symbol of how much less tested the top East teams are than the West (4 vs 5 notwithstanding). Obviously it would never be done, although I hope and pray the conference-less 16-team seeding could one day happen if the East remains historically anemic.

Congrats on taking care of that sub-.500 team with nobody approaching star-level, much less superstar-level talent at home. The East should have to play best of 9 series to compensate for the lack of wear they get relative to the West.

I certainly hope every AB for this player who plays on by my Deadspin count one of three teams in major league baseball is dissected as thoroughly as this team’s exploits and misadventurers are endlessly interesting to the commentariat as shown by the large number to the left of the “fire” sign

Hopefully there’s some sort of seeded tournament so this set of jerseys can go out in the first round like the team it’s representing.

Blonde? Clueless? Elitist? Somebody wake up the talent acquisition department at Fox News.

If I remember correctly the real Popeye Doyle, Eddie Egan, had both a substantial cameo in and was technical adviser to the film. Apparently he didn't mind the depiction too much, and even sold a few beers off of the notoriety. PS He was only 49 in this commercial in case you're wondering how being a NY cop back in…

He brings his playing days philosophy to his stint as a coach: just sit back and let the championships come to you. Why even bother getting out of your warmups?

What’s that you say, Mr. Robinson? Joltin’ Joe has left and gone away. No wait, don’t chase after him!

One day I’ll tell the story of how I bought two beers at MSG and was gifted a complimentary Alexey Shved

Bawhston's favorite sportswriting son looks like the Baron Harkonnen with a perm.

Ideas for conference parity since the East is basically a 1-1.5 round cakewalk as opposed to the West’s 3-round grind? Make all East series best of 11? Replace any sub-.500 team with the Suns and Thunder? Go to an open 16-team tournament? Because we’ve been here for at least 15-18 years.

“Your Honor, even though I’ve proven my client’s innocence, I’d still like to call Aaron Hernandez to the stand, so that we can all bask in his gentle decency.”

The court thanks the jurors for their service in this case. Now please, form a line in an orderly fashion and enter the spacecraft that will take you into orbit and to safety.

Anything on the answer to the “Who has two thumbs and an inner ear disorder?” joke, because frankly I’m stumped

True fact: the original title of the film was Mustache Rides: One Ha'penny

I think anything where his left foot comes down closer to the plate than if he maintained contact with the rubber should be illegal, elevation or not.