Oh my god. You guys. The aliasing! The layer masks! No good at all.

While I wholly support construction of possessives in such a manner, I'm pretty sure the official Gawker style guide calls for the AP-style "Bynes' Brain."

couples who's kids have just flown the coop.

"Anytime" apparently does not mean "photo time."

Did she mishear something about getting her tubers tied?

It rises to pure white noise

IS this "combat?" Seems closer to package delivery than fighting.

I've never torn a generic garbage bag during regular use. Dare I say: you're using it wrong.

I actively prefer the cheap stuff. Lotions, "quilted" construction - all feels wrong for ass-wipes.

these counterfeits' holograms, while excellent, do not pass laser and ultra-violet light tests

*Sees "X-Ray Vision" in headline*

Towel? OK. Rubber glove? I'm on board. ALUMINUM FOIL? Get that the hell away from my dick!

I know what those words mean individually, but they make no sense together.

360 degree aiming coverage

PROTIP: The sodium azide charge that inflates your car's airbag can be used as a deadly poison, acting in much the same way on the body as cyanide.

But Not Sure's a man, not a woman.

Only suckers have insurance.

This is why I permanently disable the airbags in any vehicle I own. It's not worth the risk when unexpectedly giving rides to small children.

I guess not everyone on the island is chill.

Do you really say "eff ay cue?" I treat it not as an initialism, but an acronym: "fack"