Nearly wrote “Florida Man” about five times while putting this together.

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In times like this he’ll seek advice from history and follow in the footsteps of his favorite US president, Andrew Jackson.

Nixon had real lawyers who pressed his right to executive privilege all the way to the Supreme Court. It wasn’t their fault Nixon recorded everything like the paranoid weirdo he was.

Fair—because even hush money payments, assuming the other party agrees to them (and no crime has been committed) are perfectly legal.

The problem is that this dude’s only strategy appears to be “shove money at them to shut them up, and if that doesn’t work, call and scream obscenities at them until they back down.”

That’…

Oof

Gotta confess, I was more surprised than I expected, too— I SHOULDN’T have been, because every one of these cockmonglers is corrupt from top to bottom and back up again.

I can’t say I’m that surprised, honestly; when you look at the specific level of incompetence coming out of Cohen, it sort’ve follows that his clients would have to share (or surpass) said incompetence in order to trust him as an attorney.

Outside of the sort of services one pursues when drawing up a living will or…

Meanwhile ...

Michael Cohen’s face just screams Sad Bastard Ambulance Chaser.

One of the highlights of Stupid Watergate has been the inept lawyering, but Cohen really does kick it up a notch.

Hannity wore his “Barbecue Best” outfit.

That shirt is the crime here.

This sure didn’t age well.

Based on Cohen’s excellent lawyering, I’m guessing that’s what Cohen told Hannity.

I really want to know if Hannity actually thought his “pinky-swear that you won’t tell the judge my name” bit was going to work.

And here I was just fantasizing a couple of days ago about Hannity getting caught up with this clusterfuck. Christmas in April!

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Since this is an article that talks about the new gun laws as it applies to this case the headline makes sense. I wasn’t confused by it at all.

Attempted murder is, in fact, a crime.