I met J.Bro in the early 2000s and homie looked like he knew how to party. I had no idea he was an actor till years later when I saw him in No Country For Old Men (And he wore a Templeton Eagles jacket in the border scene and I died laughing) and I turned to my BF and said "I'm pretty sure that guy helped me do a keg…

I stopped flying with the Dictator once she hit the toddler years. She was a chill baby but after two traveling became horrid. If I can't drive there we just don't go till she becomes chill again, maybe by 30.

Trebek is a stone cold motherfucker.

It was in Templeton a number of years ago. He got cleared by CHP but we all know the truth.

I love a good reason to explain my hatred of Alex Trebek . Once at a dinner party at my grandparents house he snagged a bottle of my birth wine (a special batch made to celebrate my birth and given to family at my christening and to be saved till my wedding, LOL keep waiting motherfuckers but I digress) popped that…

Dental health and internet dating are both respectable and nothing to be ashamed of.

I ran into a girl that was horrid to me in middle school and HS in a salon once. She tried to apologize and I pretended not to know who she was. I just felt it was far more polite than telling her to kick rocks because she gave me a complex and an eating disorder. I later found out she had an abusive husband and a…

Sometimes my dad watches Fox News and the segments about PP get him all in a tizzy over abortion factories and human life. Then I kindly remind him that PP and his Visa card are the reasons I didn't have to drop out of college that one time. He shuts the hell up right quick.

Is it in the employee handbook that you have to wear a bra? You should have agency over what gravity does to your breasts.

I am in my car in a school parking lot waiting to pick up my child and I am both dry heaving and laughing. People are looking at me, thanks Mark.

I thought the Bucket o Cats was made up because Lifetime paid you to make me interested in cats and movies about them. Now I feel like an asshole.

Mayo makes my internal organs weep. The carrot salad thing I saw once and thought it was a fluke.

I don't want Fifty Shades but I don't want this either. Can Jurassic World just have a bunch of boning and we'll call it good.

In Tampa (yes I know) most people delivered with a midwife instead of a doctor because it had less of a cost to insurance and you got more one on one care. I worked in an office and you only saw the doc if you were high risk.

If you get baby chickies in the mail a rational response is "Snide comment my ass, I have baby chickies to play with, BEST EX BOYFRIEND EVER!" not to throw them away.

No but you gave him a half chub because his Google Alert went off because you said his name. That can't be any better.

This is a very elaborate way to pick up single moms....

So if you grab my head and shove it toward your dick at a party I get to stand my ground right? The NRA told me if I have a gun I won't get raped and that sounds pretty rapey.

You know what the giving tree is really about? It's there so you can ask your pregnant preschool teacher to read it and watch her sob for half an hour and then eat a bakers dozen of jelly doughnuts....fucking kids.

There was a time when we ALL had that hair cut in various shapes and styles. There was no escaping it.