You should probably stay away from the comedy if you're going to take it that literally. 

Maps, how do they work?

But you may have accidentally generated a new meme.

Andrew Luck’s retirement will only increase the primal urgency of Football Men to find True Football Believers to play football, so that they don’t ever question their faith in it.

Honestly, this is funnier than anything any of us could hope to comment:

And it just reaffirms what I would be thinking if I were Luck: I’ve gotten plenty of money, I’m a smart dude who has interests outside of football, and the NFL/Colts/Indy are such a trifecta of toxicity that I’m better off exchanging CTE and more money for lots of money and some sweet, sweet travel.

If I were Luck, I’d…

I don’t buy it. There’s no way Jim Irsay is conscious on a Saturday night.

Yep. It can’t be a coincidence that his father happens to be the Commish of the XFL...

... no.

Dearest Mother,

Its as if 10000 fantasy teams just cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced. 

Confederate statues - “We need them! We need them as...uh...a constant reminder that slavery is bad! So we can learn from history or something!”

Out of respect, all local Taco Bells have ordered their flags to be flown at half más

“Don Jr. is my gun expert,” Mr. Trump told supporters at a fundraiser Friday in Bridgehampton, N.Y., according to one of the people familiar with the matter. “He knows more about guns than anyone I know.”

Do you hear the people sing? Singing a song of 6 and 10. That is your ceiling, you forgotten, burning river town in Hell. When the beating from the Jets sets up a beating by the Rams, there’s no light at the end of the tunnel when the Ravens come.

God damn it’s like I’m staring into the sun. 

Nobody in Congress gives one rats ass about what Ivanka thinks. She’s just playing politics here for vanity.

In a released statement Long John Silver’s said the following about the company’s decision to no longer advertise at all on Fox News:

“Unique circumstances”