Maybe this one will involve big trouble in Little China.

Wait.  Dinosaurs went extinct?  When did this happen?

*Wilkins picks up severed limb, applies tourniquet*

Hey, slow down now!  You can't expect to wield supreme executive power just 'cause some watery tart threw a sword at you!

He should have said, "Sowwy."

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

I thought he was dead!

J C(ash) Penney.  But only at Christmastime.

I just spit Crème tangerine and Montelimar on my keyboard.

I'm sure they needed more than one rivet. 

@avclub-1d04064d540beb34e0cc414561bc6f35:disqus Well, if you want to call that escalation.

I read the book, but I saw a younger Stephen King as Jake.

I got a @avclub-de4a08d644135b09bd7e1a592dff156b:disqus notification for this?

@avclub-1441762ea1630bc0605fdcef3984e996:disqus Why are the bad guys in your guitar case? 

Let's find out.

Reposted Mermaid Joke Punchlines

I'll have to give Gaga a big goose egg for Bjork-ness.

What if Janet Reno was a man?

Will Appolonia be there in Lake Minnetonka?  If so, I'm ready for purifyin'.

Regis: Next we'll be talking to Lew Alcindor and Cassius Clay!  Great job on the guests, Gelman!