Well if he stays true to form, next time his toenails get too long he’ll cut himself in half at the waist.

Syphilis?

Uh Joey Chestnut is an expert at hotdog consumption not hotdog metaphysics. I contend that a hotdog is *clearly* a sandwich. And I once held the esteemed title of Sandwich Artist, so I think I know a little more about the subject than you or Mr. Chestnut.

burning a Gordon Hayward shirsey while Linkin Park plays in the background

Kinda proves the point though: Joe West is a crew chief and has umpired in six World Series, two since Torre took over.

Nah, I’m still salty about Molineaux/Cribb and that happened 172 years before I was born.

Clearly Tyson isn’t the greatest ever, but he is the only boxer that scared me as much as velociraptors as a kid. 

Speaking as a both Falcons fan and a terrible poker player: nailed it.

Derrick Rose is the drummer in this metaphor, right?

This guy is shit

Wait, sea-lawyer is an actual job title? Pretty rad, but I’d’ve gone with attorney-at-sea.

More like it’s BOtoxicating, amiright!!!

Yeah, you can’t make a godawful song with the fucking Chainsmokers and then try to sell me on your high standards.

That account is the only good thing on Twitter.

I honestly thought he was using “putting down the burrito” as a metaphor for fucking. In fact I’m certain Gronk call his dong The Burrito.

Whatever, just as long as he doesn’t get moved to left field for Vinny Castilla.

Oh yeah. You can tell just by looking at her that she can unhinge her jaw and swallow a human head.

Isn’t that how Nomar got his name, too? Anyways, they sure have some great names in the Dutch Antilles. Roughned Odor, Jair Jurjens, Ivanon Coffie, Didi Gregorius, Xander Bogaerts, this guy.

I think they were fucking.

Nothin’ like sharing a good old fashioned swing dong with the dadster!