Clearly Tyson isn’t the greatest ever, but he is the only boxer that scared me as much as velociraptors as a kid. 

Speaking as a both Falcons fan and a terrible poker player: nailed it.

Derrick Rose is the drummer in this metaphor, right?

This guy is shit

Wait, sea-lawyer is an actual job title? Pretty rad, but I’d’ve gone with attorney-at-sea.

More like it’s BOtoxicating, amiright!!!

Yeah, you can’t make a godawful song with the fucking Chainsmokers and then try to sell me on your high standards.

That account is the only good thing on Twitter.

I honestly thought he was using “putting down the burrito” as a metaphor for fucking. In fact I’m certain Gronk call his dong The Burrito.

Whatever, just as long as he doesn’t get moved to left field for Vinny Castilla.

Oh yeah. You can tell just by looking at her that she can unhinge her jaw and swallow a human head.

Isn’t that how Nomar got his name, too? Anyways, they sure have some great names in the Dutch Antilles. Roughned Odor, Jair Jurjens, Ivanon Coffie, Didi Gregorius, Xander Bogaerts, this guy.

I think they were fucking.

Nothin’ like sharing a good old fashioned swing dong with the dadster!

I think the Russians just saw an easy mark, because of his general and profound dumbassery and problematic business interests, and leaned on the actual smart people around him and/or inserted their operatives into his orbit. I reckon he is technically innocent of, and yet still totally responsible for, any collusion.

Oh, right! Everyone knows that, OBVIOUSLY.

I don’t know why this guy is so pissed about gerbils. I like gerbils! Would incite.

I would certainly pay for that before I paid to watch actual golf.

The OP left me full with existential sadness but I feel like maybe there’s hope now? “Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn, or no?

I got Peel Potato :(