The OP left me full with existential sadness but I feel like maybe there’s hope now? “Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn, or no?

I got Peel Potato :(

For a time in high school I was also a gangly, clumsy 6-foot-tall and 185 lb youngster. Sadly, I am beginning to suspect that I will never become a majestically graceful 18-footer.

Every time I see LOLMETS I want an omelette.

You say it like this:

I honestly think this might be a case of him just not listening *at all* during their meeting. Which is not any better of course.

OK but hotdogs are sandwiches.

Not even Parliament-Funkadelic?

Same with Italian grape guy’s AYYY YYIE YYIE. What the fuck happened to him? And why are grape injuries so haunting?

A while ago I would’ve advocated for Chris Pratt, because he is the celebrity people always say I look like. But someone said on his ‘Kind of a Ding-Dong’ post that he looks like a Pittsburgh potatoboy or something, so fuck that (and fuck me I guess). Chris Hemsworth is the best Chris.

Oh yeah? Well you I’m eating a hotdog and fried egg sandwich for breakfast at 4 pm, so there!

She should have her chefing license revoked if she doesn’t.

Speaking of time better spent microwaving, I recently realized that when nuking something for a minute, I can punch in 6-0 instead of 1-0-0. This is sure to save me tens of seconds over the course of my life, which I have apparently chosen to dedicate to writing this post. #lifehacks

Please tell me her restaurant is called The Yard.

They said ‘caballito’ which means baby horse, specifically a male baby horse, so you are correct.

Yeah, same with From Dusk Til Dawn era Selma Hayek...

Wait, you have a security clearance and you’ve been drinking? I don’t want to get you in trouble, but are... are aliens real?!

He has Beauregard for the rules.

Why are Ivanka and Melania dressed like they’re reenacting Death Becomes Her?