This post is satire by humor writer Alexandra Petri

‘St. Paddy’s,’ not ‘St. Patty’s.’

Price is Right rules.

It’s an NBA-style move that’s drawing comparisons to what Sam Hinkie did with The Process in Philadelphia.

Yes, we know who you are. You’re an unpaid intern literally in line to get a job after college. Many of us can relate if you just shut the fuck up about it.

As long as you can get American soldiers killed, you will always have defenders, because there will always be people who think saying that American soldiers were sent somewhere to die for no good reason is more offensive than sending American soldiers somewhere to die for no good reason.

I’m only watching this season because CT is back and I want to watch him destroy all the rookies that think they’re hot shit.

“PRAAAAAAAAISE JESUS!”

Bob the intern was parking the TIE fighter, and accidentally flew into the shot.

Get the fuck out with things you’re not willing to take two seconds to fact check. Seriously, what a fucking joke of a statement.

You’re trying to say Thome (612 home runs, 17% walk rate, .276/.402/.554, 145 wRC+, 147OPS+) is a “modern” Dave Kingman (442 home runs, 8.2% walk rate, .236/.302/.478, 113 wRC+, 115OPS+,…

I can’t imagine going into a movie like this and knowing absolutely nothing about what it is about. Even if you didn’t know, the characters say “Death Star” like 25 times and they spend a lot of time showing the Death Star. Since there is a Death Star, it has to be before A New Hope right? Because they blew it up in…

It’s almost like these are complex systems that aren’t necessarily all bad or good.

How coincidental, Triple H will be our bond rating after the Trump Presidency.

Fucking philly fans, am I right?

At least they all probably stand for the national anthem though.

The alleged gunman was quoted as saying “I’ve made a huge tiny mistake.”

More Calvin, less Hobbes please.

Some perspective on how historic this is: