Have a fluffy new year.

Hey, I take offense to this - I am not an alcoholic.

I drink sterno and watch VHS recordings of Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin' Eve from the 1990s.

Dropped her like kids at a pool.

Fine, Saran Wrap and rubber bands. I was just trying to be succinct, dammit.

I can't remember where I saw or read it, but I remember coming across a pretty sober and compelling argument recently that these guys would in fact be the first to go. These skills they worship aren't actually all that useful in a world without "civilization". You need to know things like how to grow food and build…

My INCH bag contains nothing but gin and condoms.

I'll be trying to get in the path of the warheads like a dog chasing a frisbee.

Mohawks help.

But you’ll be a target for cannibal anarchist blob militias!

Fucking up the SAT?

Two!

Same, but "Whole Lotta Love".

I'm going to cover the write-protect notches with scotch tape and dub Eddie Money's Greatest Hits over this instead. Take that, music industry fuckers!

I just have one question - does Alison Brie get to give another fine comedic performance?

He wants them to be more conventional.

It's no Drinkin' Buddy.

Vatican II ended all of that crap, now I'm just a guy in a hat.

Who could've seen that coming?

So, are people who don't like Trump more gay or less gay than Trump?