Star Wars?

If by "sad" you mean "pooping yourself laughing", then yes.

Where's the Golden Child prequel I've been clamoring for?

I look forward to conservatives reposting stuff to Facebook, believing it to be real in fine Onion-related tradition.

Beats By Dre makes a pair specifically designed to fit over royal headpieces.

Yeah, sure - fomenting blind, frothing at the mouth jingoism and race hate isn't fascist at all. Nepotism, now - that's fascist.

Less sad about this one.

Man, people have really got to stop dying.

All I can think of when the original SM movies get brought up is Kirsten Dunst's rain drenched boobs. This makes me a terrible person, I know, and I'm sorry.

If they're aware of the cinnamon challenge, we could tell them that the cyanide challenge is what all the badasses are doing now.

The log.

It's been discontinued and you'll never see it again.

Every one of these should just be "Pie".

Hey I just met you
And this is crazy
But here's my number
And also my attorney's I'll see you in court

The Joker's High As Fuck

I got nothing against Jim Belushi personally but it is weird as hell that he is on the new season of Twin goddamn Peaks.

A big white horse that materializes out of nowhere.

Cut him.

Look at this guy who's never seen Major Dad.

I watch it sometimes in early evening reruns. When Laurie Metcalf is on it's kinda funny.