I was a measurably happier person about 5 minutes ago before I knew about any of this.

Pretty sure they blew up the Death Star.

Sure, but I've got this cool phone…

Hey, I still use AOL (Ass Online).

Seriously, have you SEEN The Greatest American Hero?! Oh, you haven't. Oh.

At the time all we knew was that our parents were real upset about a guy getting his heart ripped out, so as far as we were concerned it was the best movie ever made by default.

Was your mother ever satisfied?

It'll make bar hags look like Natalie Dormer, so sort of.

It tastes good, but it's got no nose.

The Beer and the Maiden Fair

I've been going slowly grey for years and then I woke up a couple of days ago and, BANG, pure Anderson Cooper white.

Gimme a Strong Belweizen.

“aggressively shitty”

We should really give Snyder credit for being the man who made fire look greasy.

All my papers. My business papers.

Mynd you, møøse bites kan be pretti nasti…

Tell that to my softball-sized gold belt buckle in the shape of the state of Texas.

I'm real mad about the Super Bowl or Patriots or something, I dunno.

That is. weird

Fucking Repeater forever, man.