Where the hell is that asshole who catches like a dozen foul balls every season? Get him to cough up a couple of them and see if they’re different across different years.

History is going to make Wayne Gretzky look pretty bad for the temerity of choosing to wear #99 before Aaron Judge was even born.

I cried during Inside Out.

Here’s my suggestion. Stanton vs. Judge. Pay-Per-View event.

One can only hope that Judge will inspire a generation of hulking young men to play baseball instead of destroying their brains by playing football.

The fact that his contract demands for the fight included an RV with very specific decor should be concerning.

This is the type of answer I would expect from the typical, uneducated UFC fan. The type of answer who would overlook superior outcomes such as meteor or sinkhole under the ring.

Is that you, Progressive Liberal?

“Cassius Marsh is known for tackling ball carriers as a professional linebacker, but the Seattle Seahawk’s 6’4”, 245-pound frame recently proved entirely useless in the mental athletics of Magic: the Gathering.”

My folks had a long-haired chihuahua when I was a teenager that ate about a quarter ounce of their pot once. Dog couldn’t stand up for three days. Came through it fine though.

BUT WAS THERE A SECOND JELL-O SHOOTER

How does someone name their child Reality Winner?

Carbon Monoxide poisoning.

Against non-Indians opponents they’re 41-11 (I think they’ve only lost series against the Royals [earlier] and Indians [twice] this year). Please Lord don’t let that managerial Svengali and his bullpen full of unholy dark wizards make the playoffs.

I used to play third base, but I never quite mastered the slowing-down-time thing.

Why does Steph want to give Lebron the Run-A-Round? It seems like a sure fire way to speed things up, but all it does is slow him down.

Yeah, but how far can you punt a footb—ah, fuck, nevermind.

More raisist than sexist but whatever.

The friction goes all the way back to the beginning, when Mike thought his name should be first.