Hey, if you're checking my asshole, at LEAST have the common decency to milk my prostate while you're down there.

Holy shit, I feel like you had that shit in the holster for a while, and you were just waiting for the right time. Kudos for your timing and your patience.

That, and cheating on your significant other!

Bryan Fuller? As much as I'd like to see his take on the material, I think you meant Brad Fuller.

Because you're still wrong.

Because you're wrong to downvote him.

Nah…just poor, beleaguered, supermodel-bangin', fancypant millionaires like Tawm Brady.

Put her foot down…in your mouth?

As opposed to omnivore poops, which are apparently delectable.

@zooguitar:disqus will absolutely not respond to this, because it is the indisputable truth, and it doesn't make any difference in the WORLD how much he wants to toss Tom Brady's salad.

Ha ha ha ha ha—GIMMEthat.

Aww, man…I thought that this would be a documentary about the local comedians Doug Benson features on Doug Loves Movies.

Yeah, but that "not old enough" line was great. Take the day off*; you've earned it.

I NEVER smack talk my boo! She's the greatest! But I don't think it should be illegal for me to do so…

Aww fuck me running, I mistook you for someone who said that this person SHOULDN'T be removed from the festival because of her stupidity and flippancy. Totally my bad.

Wait…his dad should be raped, but this slag shouldn't be kicked off a festival ticket?

No no no, call it "The Hugables" because I want to give them both a big fucking hug.

I think it might even be too sophisticated for them. The pandering feels like it could be Hillary Clinton, but the fake nerd appropriation feels like it could be an asshole writer for Big Bang Theory…

Holy shit, this is the most clever thing I've ever seen. That you, Patton Oswalt, doing some cool nerdy shit?

Yeah, but being fair, you've only worked at rendering plants.