Are you really trying to give a toddler credit for “being CEO”? Seriously?

6th grade, but I was kind of advanced... I mean I never actually plotted anything dangerous, but I thought about how life would be infinitely better if _________ never crossed my path again.

Damn, I didn’t want to kill any of my classmates until the 9th grade.

lunchtime seaweed???

Well! I expect that kind of talk at Maryland or Syracuse, but not here!

These shoes, a pulse rifle and a 9 year old and I’ll finally be able to force my mother out of the airlock.

A big pile of rabid Jazz fans is also another way to describe an NPR fundraiser.

Or else you might end up at the bottom of a big pile of rabid Jazz fans.

Eh, I don’t think it was a bad year at the plate for him, judging by his waist size.

I'm from the south so I know how devastating it is getting the clap from cousins.

...“he finished last in the 40-car field March 5 at Las Vegas Motor Speedway and failed to qualify for the season-opening race at Daytona International Speedway.”

So this hotel incident is also gonna result in a purple diamond? Crazy.

Nah. Blues’ll pass Dallas, Dallas will blow its chance to beat the partially-Keithless Hawks and that assbag will be rested for round two with us. Because Blues.

You think that’s impressive, my grandpa can do number one in his sleep.

That speaks to how incredible Vince was as much as anything else, no?

First you get the money, then you get the women, then you get the pandas.

What did FDR (allegedly) say about Samoza?

I don’t speak Spanish too well. … I think it was a Cuban person, frustrated about the politics of it, I guess. He threw two beer cans. Nobody got hit. Nobody did anything. Maybe some guys got wet. It was a Cuba thing.

First a headline that used “Woke” and now an article that uses “Stan” properly. Whats going on with Jalop? Ya’ll discovered Kendrick Lamar suddenly? (i love it actually)