I’ll take Occam’s Razor for $500, please.

By “there,” you almost certainly mean HERE, which is where you can sign up for the Deadspin newsletter and have the best of Deadspin delivered directly to your inbox every day! No muss, no fuss!

Burying the lede: Tom Green still has two hundred bucks!

So, that story was planted by Cruz’s people, right?

dad or “daddy” that is the question

More like unintended decenderation, amirite?

This is much funnier considering recent events.

We all may mock the man bun but when the shit goes down Adam Morrison is going to have a nearly inexhaustible supply of cordage.

+1 for subtle bestiality

Here’s a tip from a dog lover for people who don’t own dogs. There were some basic mistakes by the players in this video. The dog is scared. If you are seen as a threat, the dog will not come. Don’t jog up to it and expect it not to cower when you clumsily grasp at it. Just wait for it to approach you while your hand…

There was no sign that said FUCK DREW or anything, although that would have been understandable.

Either you had this lame image lined up for a Deadspin hockey goalie story or you went through the trouble of creating an Excel file with a clever name, took a screen shot, pasted it to Paint, cropped it, and uploaded it with a lame joke. Which is it?

If I were a goalie I’d put this on my helmet.

How do Valentine’s chalk hearts get overlooked? That shit is straight up Tums with lame writing on them.

I’m not a teenage girl and I literally can’t even with your statement. Creme Eggs are a goddamn delight.

Seriously. I’d eat 1000 Peeps before I touched Candy Corn.

Goalie jerseys will now all bear name/number combination “November 5".

This went A LOT better than the time Timothy Treadwell visited Grizzlies camp.

And you would LOVE IT, because you clearly have a fan-martyr complex.
You’d be able to further entrench yourself in the opinion that you’re better fans than everyone else. And the hatred you receive...and the way you rise above it just proves that.

If douchebag fans like you didn’t exist, Deadspin wouldn’t run those…

I heard you like Lambos...