The Edmonton Oilers are utter trash this year, despite the once-in-a-lifetime superstar they tanked their way into getting

“Yeah, that’ll happen.” —Buffalo Sabres

“Bet this SPOILED ATHLETE is going to start kneeling for the anthem too. MAGA!” —Everyone’s shitty uncle

Even when a restaurant fucks up a wing, they’re still pretty edible.

You have clearly never ordered wings from a hotel bar in Tempe, Arizona. What the actual fuck, Desert Hobo State, get it together.

You’re right, “zero” was an exaggeration, but it’s exceptionally rare. In all the years I’ve had season tickets for my alma mater’s team (Go Griffs!), I think I’ve seen one, maybe two actual punches thrown.

PICTURED: Ivan Drago, pre-steroids.

Stupid goddamned Kinja.

Bob Saget and the other leaders of the White Community need to address their violent culture.

There is zero fighting in college hockey. Somehow, the games don’t devolve into headhunting from the lack of accountability.

We’re lucky he hasn’t appointed one of those douches from The Doctors to be Surgeon General yet.

And Tebow’s throwing motion was never going to work in the NFL.

That’s what they said about Byron Leftwich, and as soon as he finishes throwing this ball from 2012 he’ll tell you why they were wrong.

Many of them also seem to believe that Trump is playing 3D chess again

That old chestnut. Like we can’t tell the fucking guy is trying to play poker with three Uno cards, the deed to Baltic Avenue, and the “Order Hoyle Books” card from the bottom of the desk.

For this reason, and this reason alone, I want to see them draft Lamar Jackson.

I was in Puerto Rico for a wedding last year and had the same experience. Fortunately for everyone I only had to bust out my 90s vintage High School Spanish a couple of times, it seemed like everyone under fifty or so spoke English fluently.

Puerto Rico was nice. I’m glad I saw it before Poseidon dragged it into his…

Oh no, the Bills are going to sign Teddy Bridgewater to a ridiculous contract and then have his leg fall off.

Sorry, did you somehow forget about the existence of Notre Dame?

Twenty six million dollars is a lot of Michelob Ultras at whatever that shithole bar is.

University at Buffalo should really call their womens’ teams the Cows, to distinguish from the Bulls.

When I realized I was drinking beer every night, I thought that I might be developing a dependency. So I switched to gin. Problem solved!

I was just thinking earlier today that the Founding Fathers would be absolutely appalled at the deference we show to elected officials. These assholes are our employees, not a Ruling Class.

Fighting Bob is spinning in his grave looking at these chuckleheads.